Today is a year from the day my dad went home to heaven.
In some ways it has been easy and others, it has been difficult. I can say that I would never want my dad to be back on this earth. For believers in Christ and the hope of eternity, it is the ultimate destiny is to be able to spend eternity in heaven with Jesus. Those who don’t have a relationship with Jesus yet have a difficult time with that concept because this earth is the only heaven they could possibly imagine.
Watching my dad’s decline with Dementia the past few years and eventually seeing him in a decayed state in his care facility last year, it is comforting to know that he is now with Jesus. My dad would tell me in the years leading up to him passing away that he just wanted to hug his dad and tell him he loved him. My dad told me that he never really remembered his dad telling him that he loved him when he was growing up. He didn’t want me to feel that same way and would always tell me that he was proud of me and that he loved me about every day from when I was young. I can also remember my dad at all of my basketball games growing up (even though I was only tall and not a very good player) as well as band concerts and any church thing I was involved with. He would drive the bus and was a youth sponsor in the youth group for my sister and me for years. He even stayed a part of the youth group for about 6 years after my sister left. He wanted to even give other youth the support that he never felt like he had as a young man.
After my dad passed, it has been a balancing act to keep my focus on what I do around the world and here in the US with CTN while helping my mom, sister, and her kids back in Helena to help in a more hands-on way. But then I remember my parents dedicated me to God many years ago and His call on my life. They released me to be away doing ministry since I left for college over 35 years ago and much of the fruit I have seen through life has been from their love and support. I have been able to be in Montana to work for CTN mornings and evenings and then help during the day about four times this past year which has been good. As I think about it, the feeling of being overwhelmed at times was born from a feeling of “self-appointed” responsibilities of the first born son.
If I could help anyone walk through this situation with my dad passing and thinking that you need to “take care of the family” I would say this; don’t. One thing about death is that even though it is a loss to the family, each person deals with that loss differently. I have always been (in my mind) the responsible one in the family so I automatically have translated that as “Well, I need to do my part to make it happen”. I had a very direct conversation with a family member recently that shared some brutal truths about things I was doing that were being misconstrued as trying to take over and make the family do what I wanted them to do. Now of course, this was never my intention, but just because I never intended for that to be the case doesn’t mean it wasn’t interpreted that way. So I am dedicated to not trying to force MY will on the family but to do my part to be there for anyone who needs me and not try and take emotional responsibility for everyone. That is a hard statement for the kid in the family that felt like he always had to be the “fixer” of everything, but that really is a Biblical standpoint, isn’t it?
Think of this verse from Psalms 46:1-3;
GOD is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
It doesn’t say “oh so Holy Brian is a refuge and strength”. Psalms says that GOD is that refuge and strength. I will always do what I can to point family, friends, and people I meet to Jesus, but it needs to be without a “messiah complex” of thinking that I am going to fix anything. As a follower of Christ, I can only do what God enables and empowers me to do.
As a family we are walking through this first year of my dad being gone in each our own way, but one thing is true; my parents both had my sister and I in church whenever the doors were open growing up and I KNOW that we are who we are today from that Godly influence of fellowship with other believers.
Today, I honor my dad and what he did to the best of his ability to lead our family. Maybe you need to evaluate your role in the family and how you are doing your part to keep Jesus in the middle of everything you do. God’s influence in our family has not let us down to this point and we live with expectation that he will see us all through to the end! You can have that same trust if you just let Jesus be the leader of your life and home.
Holy Crap 