7holycrap Holy Crap

A BIG Lesson I Learned After My Dad Died Last Year

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Today is a year from the day my dad went home to heaven. 

In some ways it has been easy and others, it has been difficult. I can say that I would never want my dad to be back on this earth. For believers in Christ and the hope of eternity, it is the ultimate destiny is to be able to spend eternity in heaven with Jesus. Those who don’t have a relationship with Jesus yet have a difficult time with that concept because this earth is the only heaven they could possibly imagine.

Watching my dad’s decline with Dementia the past few years and eventually seeing him in a decayed state in his care facility last year, it is comforting to know that he is now with Jesus. My dad would tell me in the years leading up to him passing away that he just wanted to hug his dad and tell him he loved him. My dad told me that he never really remembered his dad telling him that he loved him when he was growing up. He didn’t want me to feel that same way and would always tell me that he was proud of me and that he loved me about every day from when I was young. I can also remember my dad at all of my basketball games growing up (even though I was only tall and not a very good player) as well as band concerts and any church thing I was involved with. He would drive the bus and was a youth sponsor in the youth group for my sister and me for years. He even stayed a part of the youth group for about  6 years after my sister left. He wanted to even give other youth the support that he never felt like he had as a young man. 

After my dad passed, it has been a balancing act to keep my focus on what I do around the world and here in the US with CTN while helping my mom, sister, and her kids back in Helena to help in a more hands-on way. But then I remember my parents dedicated me to God many years ago and His call on my life. They released me to be away doing ministry since I left for college over 35 years ago and much of the fruit I have seen through life has been from their love and support. I have been able to be in Montana to work for CTN mornings and evenings and then help during the day about four times this past year which has been good. As I think about it, the feeling of being overwhelmed at times was born from a feeling of “self-appointed” responsibilities of the first born son. 

If I could help anyone walk through this situation with my dad passing and thinking that you need to “take care of the family” I would say this; don’t. One thing about death is that even though it is a loss to the family, each person deals with that loss differently. I have always been (in my mind) the responsible one in the family so I automatically have translated that as “Well, I need to do my part to make it happen”. I had a very direct conversation with a family member recently that shared some brutal truths about things I was doing that were being misconstrued as trying to take over and make the family do what I wanted them to do. Now of course, this was never my intention, but just because I never intended for that to be the case doesn’t mean it wasn’t interpreted that way. So I am dedicated to not trying to force MY will on the family but to do my part to be there for anyone who needs me and not try and take emotional responsibility for everyone. That is a hard statement for the kid in the family that felt like he always had to be the “fixer” of everything, but that really is a Biblical standpoint, isn’t it?

Think of this verse from Psalms 46:1-3;
GOD is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

It doesn’t say “oh so Holy Brian is a refuge and strength”. Psalms says that GOD is that refuge and strength. I will always do what I can to point family, friends, and people I meet to Jesus, but it needs to be without a “messiah complex” of thinking that I am going to fix anything. As a follower of Christ, I can only do what God enables and empowers me to do. 

As a family we are walking through this first year of my dad being gone in each our own way, but one thing is true; my parents both had my sister and I in church whenever the doors were open growing up and I KNOW that we are who we are today from that Godly influence of fellowship with other believers. 

Today, I honor my dad and what he did to the best of his ability to lead our family. Maybe you need to evaluate your role in the family and how you are doing your part to keep Jesus in the middle of everything you do. God’s influence in our family has not let us down to this point and we live with expectation that he will see us all through to the end! You can have that same trust if you just let Jesus be the leader of your life and home. 

7holycrap Holy Crap, Life Lessons

Aaron Hernandez and Broken Reasoning

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Reading about Aaron Hernandez’s death today made me think of where he had come from, his rise and eventual fall in the sports world and his personal life. I found this picture of Tim Tebow and Aaron Hernandez when they played together at the University of Florida. I am not sure that many people remember the two winning a national championship together for the Gators and the talent that they both showed on the field in front of millions. Two men, who had everything to live for but because of personal decisions, had lives that went in very different directions.

Whether it is said or not, I believe people see the actions of others and label them as “good” or a “trouble maker” immediately which helps to encourage those people to live in that box created by the world around them. I am not saying that good or bad decisions don’t have consequences, but that God sees us ALL as equal. Each of us make mistakes at times in life but the key is what we do to correct patterns that are destructive versus things that lead to a fulfilled life. We all have the ability to reach out to God and seek direction. There is not a SINGLE person on this earth that is predisposed to make decisions like Aaron made in life. People have potential to make a turn around in life from negative decisions keeping in mind that the decisions people make will define the kind of life they make for themselves. That is why we need God’s help making those good decisions that not only benefit us but those around us.

When you think about it, our lives are just a series of decisions each moment we are alive. The question is not if we are going to make poor decisions in this life but what will we do the moment after that poor decision is made. Or, when something bad happens to us what do we do with that opportunity? Will we continue down a path of bad decisions as Aaron did, or will we reach out to God and begin to make investments in our relationship with Jesus? I can remember all the times of despair when I was sick and the mind games the devil would play with me causing me to sometimes give in and get discouraged and hate God because of my situation. I created a pattern of losses in my life because I reasoned that God was not honoring my holy and righteous actions in life and that I didn’t deserve the pain I was in. The fact is, pain in life is a fact whether it is something that happens to us or something we bring on ourselves.

Poor decisions in life are a result of broken reasoning. This is not something religious or non-religious but from a place of what makes sense to us personally. Aaron Hernandez being accused of shooting someone because he spilled a drink on him at a nightclub was a poor decision but that decision was based on broken reasoning. So his reasoning was that if someone does something to make him angry that they need to be shot. This is a textbook example of broken reasoning leading to poor decisions and his eventual hopelessness that lead to suicide. Asking God to take control of our lives is an exercise is asking God to help us make good decisions. That is why the Bible is such an instrumental tool of wise decision-making. Forgive your neighbor. Turn the other cheek. Love one another even as you are loved. Basically, to love and know God with all your heart and love the people put in your path.

Consider the love of God today. Think about the power you have to turn your life over to him and ask him to help you start to make good decisions instead of bad ones. It is NEVER too late to start making good decisions. Such an amazing thought that God doesn’t label us based on what we do. God has NEVER been mad at us a day in our lives. He is certainly disappointed when we make poor decisions but not mad at what we do.

I pray for Aaron Hernandez’s family and his young daughter. I pray for the family who was affected by Aaron’s actions and maybe feel like Aaron killing himself robbed them of justice. I pray for those people who will post things on social media and make light of or think it is a joke that he killed himself. I pray for those people who have developed a reputation that they want to change but feel like they can’t. We have time on this earth to make good decisions and that includes maybe giving Jesus a chance to help guide and direct us from a place of victory and not defeat. It is time to allow God to fix your reasoning so you can begin to make good decisions in life.