I was wrestling all day whether or not I should write this blog but I feel like it could encourage someone else in their journey with God so I decided it was necessary.
It was my birthday this past Monday and I was blessed to receive money that I was steadily spending in my mind as the checks came in. I have a craigslist app on my phone that was telling me about all the iPads that were for sale. I started getting a picture and idea of how much I wanted to spend on it. I deposited a couple of checks that I had received but had one come in on Friday and wanted everything to be deposited so I could get my money out as soon as possible which was keeping with normal immature Brian fashion. Yolanda was going to make a deposit for me on Saturday so I could have the check processed right away. I called her Saturday and asked if she had made the deposit but she said she hadn’t. I snapped at her and told her I was unhappy about the fact that she didn’t make the deposit. I stayed kind of upset because Brian needed his iPad in a hurry because it was his post-birthday week and he had cash to spend!!
Last night and today God was speaking to me and I was not in the mood to listen. I was thinking about a need the Orphanage in Nepal had of a solar panel that helps give power to the house they are in when the rolling blackouts happen every single day in Kathmandu. They sometimes have twenty two hours with no electricity which stuck in my head when I was there. When we visited in February I thought it would be so awesome if I could afford to pay for that item, but as always humanly happens, when I got home and back in the “race of life” I had forgot about the need. So fast forward to this weekend. I REALLY felt God pulling on my heart to give my birthday money to the orphans and buy this solar panel. I did what any good Christian would do; I questioned whether it was God and tried to make “deals” with Him. I was like, “let me just get my ipad and give the rest to the orphans.” As I tried to do the deal, I felt an even greater pit in my stomach to give away my money. Immature Brian needed to fill a techno need that only an Apple iPad would fill. The funny thing is that I was not trying to sell anything or try and talk Yolanda into giving me money to get something that was beyond our budget. I had the money. I had the resources to get what I wanted, but I didn’t have a peace in my heart and mind. So tomorrow, I am going to have Yolanda write the check from my birthday money for the solar panel. I stepped back and thought, “I want another gadget to add to my current collection when there are orphans on the other side of the world who don’t even have the ability to turn on a light switch to light a room when the town is having blackouts.”
I am not telling you this to feel sorry for me or for you to think I am bragging about what I’m doing. I just wanted people who know me to know that I feel like today I grew up and made a difficult, adult and obedient decision that will be a blessing to someone else.
It’s funny, but I really feel like my decision started being about money but it really ended up being about obedience and that God set me up to see if I would do what He wanted and give me enough money to bless the orphans in a way I would normally not be able to.
My word to you is that if you have an opportunity to bless someone else and you call Jesus the Lord of your life, then please ask the question whether or not you need to do something. Before today, I could say these things as a pastor telling others what to do, but now I can say these things as a man of God who had to ask that question and actually act on it. 🙂 I am not saying that I have arrived as the man God wants me to be, but I sure feel like today I am a little bit closer to who God needs me to be to touch a hurt and dying world around me.