so you think you know pain?

Here is a picture of my eye when it was at its worst.  I was looking at these again with Yolanda and she said she didn’t want to see them.  When we look at them, it really does bring back a rush of emotions from the past and the pain that I was in and our family in general.  We all have pain from our past and sometimes we have little reminders that can keep us trapped in how we used to feel.  I had thoughts of suicide, i asked yolanda one time if she was going to leave me because of the physical and emotional liability I felt like I was to the family, I was out of ministry and my call felt stalled, I was getting about 1.5 hours of sleep each night and would get up at 2:30am to take a bath and pull on my hair because it hurt so bad, we still have lots of medical bills to pay, I went through a period of time where I didn’t want to leave the house and see ANYONE or talk to anyone and I am now taking a pill that is helping my eye but could give me bladder cancer if I take it too long.  These are just a few of the things that I have been going through the past 4.5 years, but I also have to think back on the good things that Have happened like…many people in the church blessing us with food, money and prayers, a church that re-hired me when I could have still been a medical liability for them as an organization (thanks Sarah and Reece), knowing that there are literally hundreds of people around the globe that are praying for me, a wife that loves me and only see’s me as already healed, a new perspective on life that has changed my relationship with Jesus FOREVER, a loving mom and dad that have both offered me there eyes and countless people that God has opened my eyes to (pun intended) that need Jesus and will listen to me because I have actually had my faith tested and I know what I believe.  All that to say this; you have an option whenever you go through something in life.  You can easily look at the negative or the bad, but you need to seek out the positive and not ask God WHY but ask him WHAT.  Not WHY is this happening to me, but WHAT are you teaching me and what do I need to learn about myself and my purpose in this life.