If you follow me on facebook, I posted a thought that I know was God inspired; The depth that you are willing to be corrected is the height you will be able to grow.  I am coming up on a year since I started feeling better after being sick for about 4 years and I feel it is time to evaluate where I am now compared to when i got sick.  It has been interesting to reflect back on being sick now that I feel better.  At the time, I could not see anything positive in my sickness and what I was going through but now I know that God allowed those things to happen to me so that I would improve my walk with him.  The problem is that as I look back and evaluate what I went through, there are some areas that I feel like I have made great strides and some ways I feel like the pastor hiding behind his title and not being a man of God first.  Let me give you a couple of examples.  I know that I have learned a new level of empathy for people finding it difficult to follow God because of what I went through.  I had always been the “do these 3 things” kind of pastor and would have no patience with people who couldnt find the strength to follow God and do what he says.  Then when I got sick, I was in a place of not really even liking God.  I thought God was mean, cruel, unjust, hateful and wanted to see me suffer just for the sake of suffering.  So when I look back at my poor attitude I know it was for me to have patience when working with people who feel trapped in their circumstances and not able to do those “3 simple things” to make their lives better.  On the other hand, I feel like i dont really read my Bible more or spend more time with him than before I got sick. The extent of my prayers when I was sick was just wanting him to change my situation because it hurt and not that I really wanted to spend time with him.  I am the busiest I have been in my entire life and i find it hard to really spend quality time with God.  I still read my Bible and pray, but it is so hard to have quality time with him because I am so busy.  I know this sounds like I am being hard on myself, but I dont want to have to relearn anything that God was trying to teach me with my eye situation.

2 Timothy 3:14 talks about how the Bible is good for “teaching, rebuking and correcting”.  That verse can often times hurt because even though teaching doesnt feel too bad, I cant remember a time where rebuking or correcting felt good. Even though those things dont feel good, they are important for our development as a person of effectiveness in this world.  If I say I am a lover of Jesus, then I need to be praying and reading my Bible to know His will for my life.  If I am not evaluating my life and putting myself in a place of correction by Christ then I can never be as effective as Jesus needs me to be.  If you think about it, life is made up of correction.  When you drive your car you are always correcting to stay on the road and obey the laws of driving.  Get up from your seat and walk across the room.  Your body has just made amazing and calculated corrections to stay upright and moving forward.  The list could go on, but you get my point.  The “walk” with Jesus is no different.  If I want to go where he needs me to go then I need to be corrected and be able to follow his lead.  I am commiting to do the things I need to do to be the man of God I want to be to the people around me.  Not just because I am afraid of getting sick again, but because I know it is the best thing for me and my part in this world.

One thought on “Evaluation and Correction in life

  1. Pastor Brian, so appreciate your candid tackling of your “day of calamity” – that’s what David called his similar struggle in Psalm 18. I want to hear how others handle the real stuff that doesn’t get fixed with the “do these 3 things” sermons. I used to counsel people that way too until at the height of ministry, I had my “day” which I don’t need to detail but was basically loss in every area, physically, spiritually and relationally, of my life for about 5 years and all orchestrated by the enemy to destroy me. I love it that you can admit getting mad at God, even accusing Him of being unfair. At the worst point for me, I even said “God if you’re going to deceive me like this, I don’t want to be in ministry anymore” and basically removed myself. The saddest part was I didn’t have anyone who would admit, “I’ve been there” that I could share with. Like you, I’m so much more compassionate and understanding when someone shares being in similar season. Not that I have any “1,2,3 steps out of it” because I’m still realizing stuff about myself from it, about God’s grace, and the enemy’s schemes. But I don’t want them to feel alone – that was the first and foremost hardest part for me.

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